Assalamualaikum, Ammaar Zahran

All my life I always dreams of having a little family of mine with miniatures version of myself, clad in matching outfit + attitude and ready to rock the world and Alhamdulillah, my prayers were answered on 22nd of May 2015 with the arrival of the love of my life; Ammaar Zahran ❤_❤ I never knew I'm capable of loving someone so very much and looking at him, sleeping soundly next to me every night making me feel deeply humbled and blessed to be given such joy, thank you Allah for this beautiful gift =)

As cliche as this might sound, having Ammaar truly change my whole life... It's no longer about me, myself and my husband, everything I do now revolve around him and yes, I become someone I never thought I'll be, a super clingy and overprotective mommy!!! Ammaar seems to prefer his daddy though nowadays, he laugh more at his jokes than mine, pftttttt~ At least he still crave for my attention when he want to sleep, he love sleeping under my armpit, maybe because it smells so much better than his daddy's, lol

If you know me very well, you probably knew that I prefer to keep my private life, private but today I feels like sharing my birth story because Ammaar will turn 6 months soon and I'm so afraid that I'm gonna forget all the details if I didn't write it down... 6 months is such a big deal for me & the rest of the mommies in this universe, it's the best time to introduce your little one to semi-solid food and I'm so excited for that!!! So before I get way too caught up in this new obsession, I really want to get my birth story over and done with~ CAUTION : RUN FOR YOUR LIFE IF YOU'RE THE SQUEAMISH TYPE =D

No matter how much you read or watch about childbirth, nothing can really prepared you with the real thing. I heard about making your own birth plan so I did mine as well, thinking that when I jotted it down in my notebook, I can arrange it to be the way I want it to... I'm so sure that I'll have a natural birth at Hospital An-Nur on my due date, 31st of May 2015 so I didn't even consider any other options or alternatives. Looks like god have other plans for me because one week before my due date, I start having clear, white vaginal discharge which I initially thought was absolutely normal (I was wrong of course)

I told my mom about it after experiencing it for couple of days and she totally freak out and asked me to check it out at the nearby clinic. So I took the day off and drag my husband along and guess what, my water already broke and the doctors at the clinic were freaking out too... If you think that's very dramatic, wait until you heard the next one, they called an ambulance to get me to the nearest hospital which is Hospital Kajang by the way and I started to get panic attack~ I never ride an ambulance in my whole life and hey, I want to deliver my baby with my obgyn, Dr KhamsiahHospital An-Nur not at Hospital Kajang!!!

Despite my pleas, they still send me to Hospital Kajang and I felt so down at that moment because I'm so not ready to give birth yet and my husband + my family can only be with me during visiting hours... I was lucky to be given the first class ward and since I have the room all to myself at that time, I decided to clean up the bathroom to fill up the time =) My mood definitely restored after that but weirdly enough, I still didn't feel any pain... The doctor told me that they'll try to induce the labor if there's no changes in my condition to decrease the risk of infection to the baby because my membranes is already ruptured.

I was induced twice because the first one didn't work and it's so very painful!!! I always imagine there are ample time between contraction but as far as I remember, the pain never really subsides =( Husbands can't accompanied their wives here in the Hospital Kajang labor room so I was writhing in pain very much alone...  I try to persuade them to let my husband in so I can ask for his forgiveness and saying a proper goodbye in case something happened and finally they gave in and let him be with me for a while. I can see my husband was in tears at that time, we never thought our plan can drastically change in less than 24 hours =_=

My cervix's opening didn't improve at all at that moment but the contraction is getting stronger and stronger. According to the doctor, my baby was showing signs of distress and since my body temperature risen up as well, they made an executive decision to perform c-section for me instead. I can tell that my husband didn't see this coming and the truth is I never expect it'll get this bad too... I was crying silently and my husband tried his best to sooth me, he know how bad I want to have this birth as natural as possible and this clearly deviate from my birth plan. We're so afraid for our son's life that we quickly agreed and sign all the paperworks required...

My husband kissed my forehead and hold my hands tightly just like in movies but suddenly the guard came in and ruin our moment, pfttttt~ I was waiting for my husband to declare his undying love or perhaps recite couples of romantic prose before they send me to the operation theatre, I guess the guard is not really a romantic at heart type like me T_T Honestly, at that time I felt so scared, I never even been admitted to hospital before and to go through major surgery without my family and husband with me is quite terrifying!!!

The feeling intensified when they gave me the spinal anaesthesia, I have no whatsoever control over my limbs anymore and when they undressed me and placed me on the surgical table, it truly feels like an out of the body experience, I'm seeing everything in double and my body kind of betrayed me too =_= Thankfully, in less than 20 minutes after that, I can hear the soft, faint cry of my little boy =) I can't find the perfect words to describe it, it's simply the most powerful and moving moment I ever experienced... I just can't stop looking at the tiny creature that me and my husband create; Assalamualaikum, Ammaar Zahran ❤_❤

We named him Ammaar Zahran as a tribute to both of our moms because my mom specifically request to have his name start with Ammaar which means a man with strong faith. Zahran on the other hand means flowers, something that I always associate with my mother in law, she really2 love her flowers =) If you're reading this one day Ammaar, I want you to know that mommy truly, madly and deeply love you honey with all my heart, don't you ever forget that!!! And yes, daddy loves you too, baby (mommy suspects more than he ever love me) so be a good boy and keep on bringing sunshine & happiness to all the people around you n_n

If you're wondering what happened next, Ammaar was admitted to NICU for 3 days after the delivery due to presumed sepsis. He was given antibiotic for 3 consecutive days to eliminate all the possibilities of getting infected and he was diagnosed with jaundice too at that time which didn't help much either. Alhamdulillah, his condition improved tremendously after that and my heart can finally be at peace again =) I'm feeling so grateful of the support and love that I'm getting from my family especially my husband throughout my difficult time and as tragic as the whole situation might looks like, I'll do it again for you, my sweetie pie @_@

I'm so sorry if I bored you to death with my never ending story, I don't get emotional very often but this is truly a roller coaster ride for me and having it immortalize here in my blog really means the world to me~ I'm thinking of writing more about my motherhood journey in the future too, I'm no expert but who knows I can help someone else out there through my writing, right? Before I left, I wanna share another picture of the king of my heart, Ammaar Zahran with all of you out there, hopefully it will bring lots of smiles to you like it did with mine =) Until then, have a wonderful week ahead lovelies, adieu~


24 comments:

  1. muah Ammar! auntie illy love you n your momma alot! <3

    and you are totally right ayna, No matter how much you read or watch about childbirth, nothing can really prepared you with the real thing.

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    1. Thank you auntie Illy, we love you a lot too <3 <3 <3 Kannn??? I guess what people keep saying is right, every birth is different and unique =)

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  2. awww gosh, I can't imagine how is it being there if they insisted not letting your husband to accompany you. D: Am glad it's over and now Ammaar is there to cheer you babe! xxx

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    1. Me too, I'm so glad it's over now, hospital is so not a fun place to be =( Ammaar clearly adore you btw babe, hehe =P

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  3. comelnya Ammaar :) may he grow up to be anak yang soleh, bijak and berbakti to everyone, amin!

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    1. Thank you for the du'a sweetie @_@ Insyaallah, Amin =)

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  4. Assalamualaikum Ayna, thanks for sharing ur experience. Every mom's birth story is different, even from one child to another. But it's sad to hear that Hospital Kajang doesn't allow spouse to be in the labour room, when HKL actually allows. Well all and all alhamdulillah you had a safe delivery even though it wasn't as u plan, b'coz Allah s.w.t is the best planners of all. And yes the guards on the hospital can be pretty annoying.

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    1. Waalaikumussalam Melissa dear, I strongly agreed with you, Allah is the best planner of all, everything happened for a reason & Alhamdulillah, both of us are safe & healthy =)

      Btw, u gave birth at HKL? Is it a normal delivery, dear? The gov docs are very good actually, only the hospital policies & the guards that getting on my nerves, haha =D

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  5. Hello Ammaar! Assalammualaikum.. Comel nyaaa dia. Be a good boy to your parents nanti okay. Hehee..

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    1. Thank you Auntie Pika-Pika, Insyallah, Amin =)

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  6. He's adorable! God bless you and your family...
    -Hari

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    1. Thank you so much Hari, I guess it's not too late to wish you Happy Diwali, right?

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  7. comel...smg membesar sbg anak yg soleh

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  8. Mommy has worked hard! Baby Ammaar Zahran, be good to your parents ya! hehe

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    1. Will do Jie Jie, sending virtual kissesssss <3 <3 <3

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  9. Nasib kita serupa but our stories are a little bit different..feels like sharing mine soon too..but alhamdulillah both ammar and mama are safe and happy

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    1. Alhamdulillah, we both made it =) Please do share your birth story dear, looking forward to read about it too <3

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  10. Hi Ammaar Zahran! Comel laaaa. Alhamdulillah semuanya selesai kan. pejam celik pejam celik dah 6 bulan. :)

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    1. Tau x pe, kjp je dah besar, hehe =P X sabar tunggu baby comel auntie Iday pulak <3

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  11. Salam ayna.. white discharge is normal n it is also one of sign you are near to labour. Air ketuban can be replenished. Just drink more water n the best is air kelapa muda. Plus taking vitamin C to help boost immune system. My 1st baby also induced, so akk paham how painful it is.

    Apa pun babynya dah selamat pun keluar dah 6 bulan pun. Selamat membuat puree utk ammaar zahran..

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    1. Mmg ugh excited mem"puree"kan diri skrg ni, hehe =P Thank you very much for the advice Kak Ira, Insyallah will keep that in mind for future use =)

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